I just got back from Schoolies (30 000 school leavers in a kitch beach-side town), and that was the first time I was really *exposed* to a few of these 'if a woman is...' situations. My friend Julia was telling me about her friend Lizzy (a ditzy girl of shifty morals with a single braincell on timeshare). Lizzy is an idiot, a slut, a sex-object to the guys around her, and in a severely fucked relationship(s) with a number of males.
She was sharing a schoolies appartment with Jackson, Chris and Pete. Jackson, her most constant male whateverthefuck, forced her into anal sex which she didn't want, and then SHE DIDN'T LEAVE THE ROOM. She went back to the room. She cried to Julia, who told me, but she WENT BACK. This started a week of Lizzy gathering followers (including Pete, thankfully); Chris (Jackson's like-minded, thankfully incompentent, cousin) and Jackson defending themselves and incriminating Lizzy.
This was a huge eyeopener to me, because I live a sheltered existence and this was the first instance of anything like this I'd actually encountered. I was all for kicking him in the balls and blackmailing him with 14 years imprisonment, but Julia promised me she'd tell Lizzy's mother, and I knew that at that restricted point in time (as in, we were all in a removed situation without parentals for the next four days) I'd probably do more harm than good. Jules then told me that Lizzy had been physically abused by her father, and so this shed a bit of light on her psychosis/*why* she went back. But, God, the barrier between slut and nieve is such a very very slim one.
Certainly Jackson is a bastard who needs to *learn*. He talks about girls as 'challenging' and uses charm as lubricant. Julia, who knows him and hadn't kissed anyone a week ago, got sucked in when she had a few drinks. Bec, who was in a delicate courting, was Jackson's aim for a night or two. *Someone* needs to kick him in the balls, take him to the cops, wrap him up yellow humiliation, *anything* to force respect or the seemage of it from him.
But Lizzy... Her headtrip is abuse. She understands it, lives in it, is controlled by it. She'll *choose* a relationship like this over another because she has her form of control. She knows what to expect, as she's had it all before, and at least in this situation she can feel wanted. It's comforting, it's known, she's scared that this existence/past will come to haunt her if she tries to break away from it (which she wants to do). Where is the barrier between her knowledge of sex, her wanting this/anything/something; and the neivity which brings her back to Jackson's room? Certainly he's in the wrong, but she's not helping and I don't know if enforcement by stronger friends would bring her out of her headtrip or force her deeper into it.
Hopefully her mother will help - she divorced the abusive father, and is generally a caring, intelligent person, fostering kids and such. But what do I do? I'm not her friend, and Julia is a weak, insecure person herself, who *didn't* get a shock at this situation. I want to report him to the police and kick him in the balls, and with a few words of Jackson's general personality (no situations, I promised Julia; she knows what I'd do far too well) strangers agree with me. But where are the options, really?
I don't know what I can do, except post this further on and annoy Julia until words are spoken and people change.
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She was sharing a schoolies appartment with Jackson, Chris and Pete. Jackson, her most constant male whateverthefuck, forced her into anal sex which she didn't want, and then SHE DIDN'T LEAVE THE ROOM. She went back to the room. She cried to Julia, who told me, but she WENT BACK. This started a week of Lizzy gathering followers (including Pete, thankfully); Chris (Jackson's like-minded, thankfully incompentent, cousin) and Jackson defending themselves and incriminating Lizzy.
This was a huge eyeopener to me, because I live a sheltered existence and this was the first instance of anything like this I'd actually encountered. I was all for kicking him in the balls and blackmailing him with 14 years imprisonment, but Julia promised me she'd tell Lizzy's mother, and I knew that at that restricted point in time (as in, we were all in a removed situation without parentals for the next four days) I'd probably do more harm than good. Jules then told me that Lizzy had been physically abused by her father, and so this shed a bit of light on her psychosis/*why* she went back. But, God, the barrier between slut and nieve is such a very very slim one.
Certainly Jackson is a bastard who needs to *learn*. He talks about girls as 'challenging' and uses charm as lubricant. Julia, who knows him and hadn't kissed anyone a week ago, got sucked in when she had a few drinks. Bec, who was in a delicate courting, was Jackson's aim for a night or two. *Someone* needs to kick him in the balls, take him to the cops, wrap him up yellow humiliation, *anything* to force respect or the seemage of it from him.
But Lizzy... Her headtrip is abuse. She understands it, lives in it, is controlled by it. She'll *choose* a relationship like this over another because she has her form of control. She knows what to expect, as she's had it all before, and at least in this situation she can feel wanted. It's comforting, it's known, she's scared that this existence/past will come to haunt her if she tries to break away from it (which she wants to do). Where is the barrier between her knowledge of sex, her wanting this/anything/something; and the neivity which brings her back to Jackson's room? Certainly he's in the wrong, but she's not helping and I don't know if enforcement by stronger friends would bring her out of her headtrip or force her deeper into it.
Hopefully her mother will help - she divorced the abusive father, and is generally a caring, intelligent person, fostering kids and such. But what do I do? I'm not her friend, and Julia is a weak, insecure person herself, who *didn't* get a shock at this situation. I want to report him to the police and kick him in the balls, and with a few words of Jackson's general personality (no situations, I promised Julia; she knows what I'd do far too well) strangers agree with me. But where are the options, really?
I don't know what I can do, except post this further on and annoy Julia until words are spoken and people change.