(no subject)

[labellementeuse]

kind of like a civil war

this is a takeover,
the troops are stomping across the hills,
firing at random down from the sky,
boom boom boom, like feeling before it's like hearing.

someone is taking a photo of the entire city.
react with shock and awe.

now they're beating a tattoo on the roof,
inescapable, they're coming to find you,
hundreds and thousands of soldiers bang bang banging.

marshal your resistance! heating is martial.
mortal things need it.

we're sending defiance everywhere, hissing through the windows,
shrieking down the streets, whoosh, slap.

they are launching their reserves,
there are great conflicts, waves form and fall in gutters and guttering.

our cutting rebellion
is chasing them away, no more photos,
no more publicity, boom. but they
occupy our city, it's too late,
they have a grip on our land.




the Lloyd Harwood painting "Dream of Young Icarus" hangs in my lounge and catches the eye of my guests.

what dreams he must be having, that boy!
endlessly framed in four dark walls
with his father, who must have been quite mad,
and the birds, and the feathers, and the wax, and the feathers,
and always the wings, obsessively.

no wonder, then, when he sleeps it is blue
all around him, the sky is edged with sea
and the sun is hanging from a string
scarce visible, but he knew it was there,
threaded through the corona.

and there is he - or is that him?
the weird ungainly thing in the centre,
most like a bird that's long ago dead,
head much bigger than the body,
like even the bird has dreams.

its wings are so small they can barely be seen,
and the lips are a woman's lips, a son's lips,
the sun slips behind the bird,
everything is limned in black and blue,
Icarus dreams.





which one of these should I submit tomorrow???? Make me decisions for me!

Comments

[angry-in-pink.livejournal.com]

The second. The first is cool, but the second...wow. Amazing. *speechless at teh poetry skillz*

I would say more, but I'm still hungover. Excuse me.

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

do you... I'm hesitant to put it like this because, hello, gross, but do you "get" the first one? I'm concerned it's a little bit *too* oblique, but if it was a metaphor, what's it a metapho for? *hopeful face*

I hope you feel better doll! *snugs* and re: your most recent post, confusion is normal, you know? I think you're dealing with it real well. *smooches*

[angw.livejournal.com]

I like the second one - visually expressive, flows well and powerful ;)

[derrick-reeves.livejournal.com]

I don't understand where you're going with the first piece. Sure, language of Iraq, but it doesn't seem muscular enough to be really grappling with that issue, so, where to?

As such, I recommend going with Icarus, if only to console my ego. ;-)

[sixth-light.livejournal.com]

Maybe the first's a Wellington thing? 'Cause the metaphor seems pretty obvious, to me anyway. I have to say I like it better than the second, as well; it really captures the feeling of such violent intervals in...what am I saying, violence is the normality of Wellington in that regard. I guess the Iraq metaphor really does work. :P

(Yes, I'm being vague, so as to give others the chance to form their own interpretations.)

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

thank you! everyone else is voting with you so it looks like that's my final choice :P

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

ahahahaaaaaaaaa oh, I suck and obviously need to work the metaphor a little harder. not even remotely about iraq, by the way, lol.

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

dude, did you not look out the window today? SERIOUSLY. WAR.

you are very sneaky with your side-talk. ilu.

ps: 1 or 2???

[sixth-light.livejournal.com]

1. Re-read above.

I could not look out the window, I was at work. 'Twas sad.

[derrick-reeves.livejournal.com]

:-) I didn't think it was about Iraq, but you are drawing on the language of the conflict there. FWIW, the main problem I had with trying to put a hand on the actual subject was that, whichever way I interpreted the piece, the "they" seemed to refer to a gruesome concept.

Alternatively, I may just be incapable of understanding your poetry due to my relative oldness and absolute uncoolness.

[eavanmoore.livejournal.com]

I like the second one better, but that's probably because the first one is outside my experience. Is it rain??

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

eavanmoore for the win! yep. a thunder & lightning & hail storm.

er, rain is outside your experience? ;)

[eavanmoore.livejournal.com]

Where I live, rain is usually a drizzle. We don't get storms so much. So I kinda had to use my imagination and images from TV. :-)

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

OK, thanks for that crit.

Hahah, no, I don't think that's the problem. FWIW, it's about the last summer storm - you know, you always get one right at the end and it's wet and cold and there's hail and thunder and lightening and the next day, even if it's really sunny and clear, it never warms up again the way it did during summer. *shrug*

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

I read it, but you just said you liked it better, not that it was the better choice ;)

I was at work too. Um, but my work is like giant windows, so yeah. The thunder was INCREDIBLE.

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. Really? Wow.

However, your comment still points me in the right direction, because I feel strongly that I should manage to communicate something of the stormyness to others, even if they've never seen one, so thanks. :)