(no subject)

[labellementeuse]

kphoebe is playing the formal poetry challenge, and well, it looked like fun. A very hasty Rondelet for you all!


he walks her home in the evening.

Love, walk with me
a little further. Do not leave,
love; walk with me
past pale light, down the darking street.
Nor yet abandon me, bereaved,
missing your cold hand on my sleeve,
love. Walk with me.

Comments

[dryadwoman.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous. *Envies you talentz*

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks!

[lady-larla.livejournal.com]

Thats beuatiful Tui....

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

Thanks hon. hey, how are you? Would you like me to ring/like to ring me today?

[bad-mushroom.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, this is basically my life right now.

Ehm. Other than that, absolutely adore "missing your cold hand on my sleeve" and "past pale light, down the darkening street", though I might remove the "the" from the latter, just for continuity.

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! re: the, I actually left it in for the syllable count (I, um, used darking rather than darkening, which might have been a better word choice.) Hm. :)

[bad-mushroom.livejournal.com]

Wow. I am obviously more tired than I thought I was. Sorry about that. My brain tends to become dsylexic and/or unobservant when under-rested.

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

*snorts* Why would you know how many syllables the fourth line of a rondelet needs? not your bad at all! Just defending myself ;) And anyway it's a totally valid criticism.

[bad-mushroom.livejournal.com]

Heh, I just meant reading "darking" as "darkening"-- I try to not misread people's poetry if I'm offering a crit, is all XD

ON UR JOURNAL, READING UR POETRY

[angry-in-pink.livejournal.com]

EEEee. I love it; love how you've managed to communicate emotion (and so eloquent) in 7 lines.

Re: ON UR JOURNAL, READING UR POETRY

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! :)