this is a boring update all about me

[labellementeuse]

1. The election. Yeah, whatever, I'm not even going to go there. I went to hazel et al.'s and got trashed on vodka and revolting apple sours and that enabled me to just kind of not think about anything.


2. Got an email from my mother today and started writing back and crying embarrassingly in the middle of the office. Didn't want to actually walk out of my office, through the RA bullpen and into the bathrooms, so I just sort of sat there, weeping like a weeper, until one of the RAs came and asked me a question and then turned around looking horrified and walked away (people don't acknowledge feelings where I work). Ugh.

3. Related to above. I have a profound feeling that I've wasted the last seven years through a combination of uncertainty and laziness. The five years it took me to do one lot of degrees is one thing but I really could have made 2010 work for me and I didn't. I always used to be the kind of person who was 100% behind whatever I was doing, and right now I feel like, whatever it is that I'm doing, I'm at maybe ... 45%? My job, music, cooking, keeping the flat clean, reading, knitting, whatever, you name it, except for dancing, I feel like I'm pretty much halfassing my life right now. It's a horrible feeling because I can feel it and identify it but I can't get out of it. Two weekends ago I spent the whole weekend sitting on the couch. Barely moved. Got nothing done, did no dishes, didn't vacuum or clean anything. This isn't me but I feel like I've been this non-me person for ages and ages and forgot how to be actual!me.

tl;dr look at my life, look at my choices, what the fuck was with that? What am I doing? Shit.

4. I'm thinking about maybe going back to study clinical psychology in 2013. This is something I have been thinking about on and off for a couple of years. So I have to investigate more and I am not really looking forward to the concept of being an undergraduate again (fuuuck) and I definitely don't want to halfass another degree but if I did. I think I would probably do a grad dip in clinical psych, then honours, and then try to find a DPsych or PhD programme somewhere overseas who might, like, pay me. Uh, yeah. We'll see about that. I guess I have to email ... careers/study people? Anyway, your thoughts, I want to hear them, especially your thoughts on clinical psychology.

5. And then I'm like, but am I just thinking about this because I don't like my job? Well, sort of, but at least what I'm thinking about switching to is actually a career path. And then I'm like: but shouldn't you get your shit together before trying to do something where grades will really matter? Well. Yeah. But if I knew how, I already would have, so.

6. I have four AO3 invites. I don't really believe that any of you guys need them but if you know anyone who might, hit me up. labellementeuse(at)gmail.

Comments

[eight_demands]

I have been thinking about going back to school for an MA for a couple of years now, and I think I would actually do it if I wasn't terrified of taking on the debt I'd need to. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do!

[labellementeuse]

Thank you! :) It seems like such a major commitment again and I wouldn't go through postgrad unless I thought I was very likely to get funded, I think. it seems like clinical psych programs are very tough to get into but very likely to be funded once you're in them, so.

[callie]

One thing that springs to mind is you will probably need undergrad stats before you do your Grad Dip. Do you have? If not maybe you could do that next year (even distance through Massey) to see if getting back into the pattern of studying is a good thing for you without too much investment.

MOSTLY I JUST THINK THERE SHOULD BE MORE PEOPLE IN THE FIELD WHO AREN'T HOMOPHOBIC DICKWADS.

[labellementeuse]

Yeah, I was actually looking into that already :) I will need it for sure, but I think I can do it at Vic and I actually might be able to get my work to pay for it. Before I do that though I want to check that it's not going to be better for me to go the full undergrad route than the grad dip if I want to get into grad school. (It looks really, really competitive, which I sort of find ... exciting. It's been awhile since I did something competitive.)

MOSTLY I JUST THINK THERE SHOULD BE MORE PEOPLE IN THE FIELD WHO AREN'T HOMOPHOBIC DICKWADS.

I qualify! \o/

[china_shop]

I feel like I've been this non-me person for ages and ages and forgot how to be actual!me.

Ack! That's not a good feeling. (Also, IME it's sometimes physiological, so definitely worth getting checked out for anaemia and suchlike; it's amazing how much my productivity changes with my iron levels. /anecdata) *so many hugs*

But I also want to take issue with the idea of your having wasted all those years, because aside from anything else, you spent them being and becoming yourself, and who you are is pretty amazing (however blah you might feel about it now). IJS. Life is not a race nor a productivity competition unless you want it to be, and there's still plenty of time. (She says from the ripe old age of 41.)

Alsoalso, that clinical psych idea is pretty nifty.

[birke]

I'll take you at your word, then, and say that clinical psychology is a noble calling, but with any new course of study the thing is to look at what your career would look like post-degree(s). What would you want to do, what would you actually most likely end up doing, and would you find the latter acceptable...

[nishatalitha]

Good luck in your decision-making process. I know nothing about clinical psychology (other than the time I saw the pain unit), so cannot offer anything useful there.

However. Don't feel that the last seven years have been wasted. You have your degrees. And at the end of that, you needed a break from what you were doing — and that's perfectly okay. It is absolutely fine to not know what you want to do and not do anything about it.

If you change your mind about clinical psych and don't do anything for another year; that's okay too. If you do decide on clinical psych, that's awesome and good luck.