In the ongoing saga of me hating my job

[labellementeuse]

So we occasionally put out a newsletter, and by occasionally I mean supposed-to-be-biannually and my boss wants it to go to three times a year. And I am in charge of putting it out, but I can't really write any of the content, or if I do I have to get it approved by a lot of people and they usually don't like it because I can't really write about research, so it's a pain. But because I knew my boss wanted to have three this year, I really cracked onto it in February, I had a plan for what was to go into it, I sent a million emails to my millions of bosses about it asking for feedback, I prepared my boss, and then basically as I was about to start putting the content together one of my other bosses decided that there wasn't enough research-related material (which I can't write, because we didn't have any working papers I could adapt and I obviously can't write about upcoming research that I'm not doing, and which I also can't suggest that other people write, because I have no idea what they're doing or what would be good for the newsletter), and so she made one of the RAs write two more articles, which took ages, and then was annoying because we couldn't put the newsletter out until the working papers associated with those articles came out, which ALSO took ages - and THEN my boss took ages to write the letter he has to write, so it took FOREVER and the newsletter I was prepared to get out in late April IS STILL NOT OUT NOW.

Okay, so that is the situation, and that situation is really frustrating for me because feedback at the beginning of the year was that we needed to focus on having the newsletter come out promptly, and this is basically a key output for me and my job. even though, like EVERYTHING IN MY JOB, I basically have NO CONTROL OVER IT, because I can't force people to read the first three emails I send and get back to me in February rather than in late April, and I can't force peer reviewers to read these papers and return them to the people I work with in good time - basically ALL I can do is proofread, format, and publish papers quickly, which I ALSO find very difficult because at any moment in my job I can be given three different things to publish, and they ALL have to go out that week, or I can be asked to drop everything and do three days' work on a grant that has to go to MSI urgently because the deadline is in 48 hours --- ANYWAY. Everything that happens in my job is an enormous process of working with several different people most of whom, frankly, can't find their bum with both hands. BUT I am the one who is accountable for things happening on time, because I am at the bottom of the heap, organisationally speaking. Of course that also means I have no ability to force people to get shit done, which is - gosh, I can't tell you how awesome that is. Really.

SO all of this and performance reviews are coming up and I finally FINALLY this afternoon got the last paper so I can get the fucking newsletter out, months after I planned to, and my boss comes storming up and says "Why wasn't I told about the newsletter?" I have no idea what he's talking about. He says, "It was very awkward and I was left flat-footed because I thought it was out already!" I sort of gape because ... I never told him it was out, because it wasn't? I told him when it was printed, and I gave him status updates. I kind of babble something to this effect and he says "Three weeks ago, you told me you were expecting to have it out by the end of that week." Well, yes. I was. Three weeks ago, I was promised the final working paper, which would have just needed a quick proof and to be put on the web, so three weeks ago I *was* expecting to have it out then. "But why wasn't I informed?" And this is ... difficult. Basically, what was happening was that I was asking for this paper basically every day or two and constantly being told I would get it the next day. Meanwhile the newsletter was being printed and put in envelopes and stamped and is sitting there ready to go. So no, I didn't tell him that there had been a delay, which is clearly my bad [although I've done two newsletters before and I've never had to give him these kinds of detailed updates, but whatever, IT'S COOL] - but I also didn't tell him it was out. SO WHY DID HE ASSUME IT WAS AND THEN YELL AT ME BECAUSE HE WAS WRONG.

Ugh. Every day I get more and more over this job to the point where I basically no longer give a single crap about doing it well. Which I hate because it's just, I really don't think that's me, but when I try to care and be concerned I just feel worse and worse, because I get stressed when things are late even though I have no control over that, and I get stressed when I'm not allowed to use a consistent format or style for working papers, and I get stressed when I have to drop everything to hurry to an urgent deadline for a project I don't know anything about. And meanwhile basically everyone I work for thinks I'm a waste of space because nothing ever comes out on time and, obviously, the work they individually give me isn't that big of a deal, so why didn't I get it done? Well, I was too busy doing the work this other person gave me, which was also late and more urgent because I put it off to finish this other urgent thing.

On the plus side, I love you guys, and I have a houseguest (Caitlin!) for a few days which is fun, and I'm going to Aus in July, and I'm still embarrassingly in love with hockey fandom, and I have a flat I like in an amazing location with a terrific flatmate, and you know, I do have a job and that's not to be sneezed at at all. Plus, a lot of the drama with the new boss that I was going through a few months ago *seems* to have settled down? So there's a lot of upsides, I just nearly flipped out this afternoon is all.

Comments

[hazel]

These sound more and more like people who have NO IDEA what to do with admin staff, what the hell. And also are assholes. D:

[the_antichris]

Ugh, that's awful. Newsflash, boss: if you're so invested in this newsletter, your job is to make sure EVERYONE does the work required, not dump on the person who has no control over everyone else.

[sushiflop]

This sounds like such a toxic working environment.