*hug for you* You didn't sound too cheery this morning.... it made me think you wanted to get rid of me :(:(:(:(:( (psychological damage on my part, same reason why I cry all the time *sniff*) Why do things suck? I'm willing to listen *hug*
*hugsback* I wasn't particularly cheery this morning, no, but I NEVER want to get rid of you. :) NO psychological damage, darling. Sometimes, of coruse, I want to get rid of EVERYONE, but then it's nothing personal and I'll say so.
Things just... suck. This is actually an unusual outlook for me, possibly product of serious personal confusion. *sigh* I'll work it out & tell all then, I think.
But I am serious about the psychological damage. I know for certain a lot of it is definitely self-inflicted (that caused between the ages of 10 and 14) but after always being treated like a freak, the realisation that one's behaviour in childhood really was ridiculous, added to already microscopic self-esteem can do stuff to a person.
oh, Miriam. :( *hugsmore* I think you feel worse than I do. Listen, behaviour in childhood ought not be dwelt on. For one thing, everyone was ridiculous in childhood. For another, as much of a cliche as it is, it's what you are now that counts, for me at least. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, remember? Sounds like crap, but it's true.
As for alwasy being treated like a frak... when that happened to me, I used to give in and take it with pride. Sort of a 'screw you, I'd rather be a freak than a conformist." In fact I still can't believe, now, that otherwise intelligent people would still rather be "normal" than not. Still, only you can define "normal." And "freak." Don't let other people define you. You need to do it, because it involves you.
Know what you mean, though. Every time someone reacts to you, in any way, you become.. categorised, I guess. That's society for you.
Mhm. Yeah I suppose. It's just that I kept acting like a little kid right up until I was 14 or 15, and of that I am ashamed. I guess things often have to get worse before they get better and I happen to be at the coming-to-terms-with-things-so-that-I-can-fix-them stage :) I'm feeling very positive about it all right now actually :)
Now the real problem with conformity is people who rebel by being everything that the establishment isn't. Now isn't that kind of stupid, since that means the establishment is STILL dictating who you are, if not more than it does everyone else? It's a whole lot smarter and stronger to just be yourself, I think. Often you can tell when a person is being different only for the sake of being different, instead of because it's how they really feel. That gets on my nerves.
Tomorrow, I will go to the city library as soon as possible after school has finished. If you want to meet me somewhere beforehand after you have finished (we finish at 2.30 on tuesdays, and then I have tech angel stuff untill 3) we can go together and I will get you some books out on my card. And we can eat yummy food.
I'll check for a reply at lunch and after school tomorrow. I would dearly love to see you.
Whee, yes, please. I'll probably get there around quarter to four, b/c unfortunately we don't finish till 3:30 and I don't have study last... :( But I'll see you there?? :)
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carisma_sensei
no subject
Date: 2004-04-30 06:33 am (UTC)*Stupid unhelpful cyber-hug*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-30 10:30 am (UTC)Hey, don't underestimate the *hug.* It crosses all barriers.
Also, it's always nice to know someone's sympathetic. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-04-30 06:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-30 10:33 am (UTC)Things just... suck. This is actually an unusual outlook for me, possibly product of serious personal confusion. *sigh* I'll work it out & tell all then, I think.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-30 10:43 am (UTC)But I am serious about the psychological damage. I know for certain a lot of it is definitely self-inflicted (that caused between the ages of 10 and 14) but after always being treated like a freak, the realisation that one's behaviour in childhood really was ridiculous, added to already microscopic self-esteem can do stuff to a person.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-30 12:04 pm (UTC)As for alwasy being treated like a frak... when that happened to me, I used to give in and take it with pride. Sort of a 'screw you, I'd rather be a freak than a conformist." In fact I still can't believe, now, that otherwise intelligent people would still rather be "normal" than not. Still, only you can define "normal." And "freak." Don't let other people define you. You need to do it, because it involves you.
Know what you mean, though. Every time someone reacts to you, in any way, you become.. categorised, I guess. That's society for you.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-01 03:26 am (UTC)Now the real problem with conformity is people who rebel by being everything that the establishment isn't. Now isn't that kind of stupid, since that means the establishment is STILL dictating who you are, if not more than it does everyone else? It's a whole lot smarter and stronger to just be yourself, I think. Often you can tell when a person is being different only for the sake of being different, instead of because it's how they really feel. That gets on my nerves.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-30 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-01 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-01 10:37 pm (UTC)*hug*
I can come and be miserable with you if you want. I'll bring cookies.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-02 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-03 10:22 am (UTC)I'll check for a reply at lunch and after school tomorrow. I would dearly love to see you.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-03 10:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-05 07:41 pm (UTC)